Numb
by Daeva Shadow
Summary: When Clark loses his brother after a car accident, and turns to kryptonite and drugs to get away from the pain, will anyone be able to help him in time?
1. Numb 1

A/N:gulps i'm a little nervous about posting this story but...here goes nothing...

Disclaimer: I don't own Smallville, if i did, there'd be tons and tons of TC on there...sadly, there's not.

Okay, so here's chapter 1, tell me what you think.

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It started out slow, you know, the kind where you never really notice it and think nothing of it. Then, it became more frequent and I couldn't stop it. Yes, you probably know what I'm talking about. I didn't mean for it to go this far, it just…sort of happened. I guess it all started back in my second year of junior high. Looking back now, I suddenly see where it all went wrong.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, how could it have started when I was that age? Shouldn't I know better than to do something like that? Yeah, I know, I thought I could control the whole thing. Maybe it'd be best if I started back from the beginning of the story. My name is Clark Jerome Kent, and this is my story…

You see, my parents, always pushed me to do my best at everything. They always rode me so hard to do well and if I slipped I was a failure, or so it had looked to me. I think though, they were using me to make up for what they lost.

See, my brother, had been dead for almost three years after this had started. When he was still alive he did everything you could imagine. Sports, tutoring, advanced classes, and he was always so nice and popular. We were so close to, we did everything together, played, went to the movies and we had fun every time. Then, one night, after going out on a date he never came home. We were so worried and stayed up most of the night hoping he'd come home soon.

Then finally, after hours of waiting, the phone rang. We fully expected my brother to call and tell us that he was having car trouble but okay. Instead, it was the hospital telling us that we needed to get down there as quickly as we could. I can remember my mom start to cry as she heard the news. My dad, on the other hand, was just so quiet. He didn't say a word, he just got the keys to the truck and walked my mom out with me following after them.

The ride there is a blur in my mind because the next thing I remember was getting out of the car and almost sprinting inside the hospital. The only thing stopping me was my speed kicking in and me rushing through there with someone seeing. The doctor that tried to save my brother met us. He told us that my brother's car was hit by a drunk driver and had suffered a severe blow to the head. He paused as he let this information sink in and then continued to tell us that the damage was so bad that my brother had turned into a vegetable. That news hit home with my parents as my mom cried even harder. Now it was my turn to be shocked, I was eleven, so of course I knew what was going on. I just couldn't believe it was my brother. My dad stared down at me then brought himself to my height.

He asked me if I wanted to go into the room and say goodbye to my brother. That's when I started to cry, the truth fully hit me that my amazing brother was going to die and I would never see him again. The doctor led us into the room where he was. There were different tubes and wires going up and down both arms and he had what my dad later described as a ventilator tube going down his throat. The clothes were gone from the top half of his body revealing a vast field of black and blue bruises. The sight of my brother like this made me sick. This couldn't be him; my brother was strong and could make it through anything. Now it appeared that he wouldn't be able to make it through this. My dad nudged me towards him and I slowly took his hand.


	2. Numb 2

It scared me to look at all the tubes and wires that were everywhere. To think, it was these things that were keeping him alive right now. I knew that now was not the time to act so scared. I needed to be strong for my mom…and dad…I was all they had left now. I went on with my final goodbye to my brother. It was really hard to say goodbye; in fact, I almost couldn't get any words to move past my lips.

I must've talked for hours, mostly about the things we used to do and the times we spent together. I told him that I loved him with all my heart…and would never forget him. You can see from this that I still haven't. Finally, I got done and my parents took their turn saying goodbye to their only _real_ son. Telling him that he was going to be missed so much by everyone.

After they were done, a doctor showed me back in to spend the remaining minutes with him. The doctor turned to my parents and they nodded with somber eyes. Then that was it, he was gone. I remember looking at the clock and listening to the doctor pronounce the time. It was at 12:32 A.M. on June 1st 2000, about two weeks before my birthday; Mark CJ Kent died.

I went home that night in a complete daze. This couldn't have just happened; my brother was only seventeen! He was too young to be gone. As the car pulled into the driveway, I got out and ran. I didn't care where I went to; I just ran. My mom had tried to stop me, but I kicked in my speed as she got closer. I came to a stop in the middle of one of our back pastures and broke down, screaming to the Heavens. I asked God why I couldn't save him, why he had to die like that. To this day, I still don't know why such a great person had to be taken away from this earth.

My parents took me out of school for about a month so I could get my life back together. I guess that somewhere in that month something inside my parents just snapped. They started fighting with each other and soon all there was left in the house was silence. I'm starting to think that Mark was the glue that held our family together. When I went back to school, my parents started to push down on me; forcing me to excel in everything I did. I don't know if they knew what they were doing…

As the years went by, the pressure on me began to build up. I had so many classes that I was expected to get A's in, that when I hit seventh grade; I had to find a way out. I talked to some of my friends that I knew I really shouldn't hang around, but they'd helped me get through my pain. They told me about this guy that could make it all go away but for a cost, of course. I figured I had nothing to lose so I passed a message through some of my friends that I'd be at the next meeting that was held.

About a day later, I got word that there was going to be a meeting at the park across the school before first period started. I went just like I said I would, then stood in a small crowd of students making an oath never to tell about this. Then he pulled out the pills; he told us that he'd sell them for ten bucks a bottle. I dug into my jeans and found a twenty that my mom had given me for lunch.

I had taken all the courses about being drug free and other things like that. Now, all that didn't matter; I needed them so I took the twenty, gulped back my fear, and bought two bottles. He told me that if I took just one, I'd instantly feel better. Doing what he told me, I took the tiny, blue pill in my hand and popped it into my mouth, followed by a quick swallow of water. I waited…nothing happened. I glanced at the bottle again, and reasoned that if I took some more, it wouldn't hurt me at all. I took two more from the bottle and followed the same process.

This time, the effects were there and I felt great, better, and happier. I was in high spirits at last. The pills had worked. By the time night fell, I was depressed yet again. I now understood that the pills only had a short-lasting effect on me. Then I got it in my head that the more I took; maybe it would last until I was up to my room and almost asleep. The next day, I took more from my now precious stash and popped them into my mouth. The effect came quicker this time and lasted longer. For a while, that was okay for me. Then, I needed more and more each day to fulfill my needs.

That's when I discovered the kryptonite combinations. I knew I was allergic to the green stuff, but once I combined it with the red, it was like they cancelled each other out. That was the stuff that really got me in good moods. Sometimes though, I would almost pass out from what little green stuff I had around. I didn't want my parents to find out about what I was doing, so I had to be careful of how I crushed it all into a fine powder. After I did that, I'd always add one of my pills to add a kick to it.

Soon I wasn't eating, and my friends began worrying about me, but I told them not to and that I was fine. It went on like that for a while; I took the pills with kryptonite instead of eating. Usually, I'd put the mixtures in with any drink I could; and soon my appetite dwindled down to nothing. I began losing weight next. At first nothing showed; then about a week after, it started to show and I had to double up on all my clothes. After the effects of the pills started to get shorter I stopped sleeping. It wasn't a very big deal to me at the time because I was still young and didn't need much sleep.

One day however, while I was talking to Chloe, Pete, and Lana I got dizzy. I thought after a moment it would go away like it usually did. That didn't happen though. It just got worse and I passed out. The next time I woke up, I found myself in the back of an ambulance and panicked. I couldn't go to the hospital, they'd discover who I was! I tried to take a breath but realized there was none to take. I looked up into the EMT's caring eyes as he continued to squeeze the much-needed air into my body. Before I could register anything else, a sharp pain engulfed my body; once again, I fell into darkness.


	3. Numb 3

I'm still not sure how much time passed before I woke up again. When I did, I found that I couldn't move anything and had a headache the size of Kansas. There was something else to…My lungs felt like they had too much air in them. I tried to breathe only to discover the breathing tube that had been inserted on the ambulance was still in place. Someone must've been keeping a careful eye on me because the next thing I knew, a doctor came bustling into the room to check on me. I couldn't say anything to him, of course, so I just stared on as he checked on all the equipment that surrounded me.

After he was satisfied with what he saw, he turned back to me and smiled. I blinked in shock; what the hell was he doing smiling at me! I had a damn tube stuck down my throat and he smiles. I glare at him, trying to set the question across of what I was doing here. Apparently he got the message and started to explain.

"You're probably wondering why you're here with a tube down your throat." I glared again. _Why thank you captain obvious! _He sighs, _Uh oh _was all I could think before he continued. "It seems that when we took your blood-" I don't think I heard the rest of what he said. I started to panic; they took my blood, now they knew what I could do.

He stopped and studied my face carefully, "Clark? Are you listening?" I could only blink. Fear and anger that I felt towards the doctor flowed through me. I tried to motion with my hands toward the tube. I think he got the motion when he came closer to the bed. "All right Clark, it looks like you're strong enough to breathe on you own, so when I count to three blow hard. Ready?" I nod my head. "Okay, now…one…two…three" I blew as hard as I could, and then started to gag as the tube was taken out. After it was all the way out, I went into a choking fit that seemed to last forever.

Finally, when it was over, and I had caught my breath, I spoke. "How long have I been out?" My voice came out as a harsh whisper, which surprised me a little. I had never lost my voice before, so this was new. My ears perked up as the doctor began to speak again. "You've been out for about a week and a half. This really isn't all that surprising, seeing how much toxic substance was in your blood."

I blinked. That wasn't supposed to happen to me. Come on! I didn't take all that much to do that much harm! There had to be some kind of error. I remember crushing up some of the red and green kryptonite, but it wasn't all that much! I may have taken more then I should have, but it was just a tiny bit more. I must've heard him wrong; so I looked into his eyes.

I remember one of my friends telling me once that the eyes were the windows to the soul. From what I saw, there were no lies hidden in those depths. "How?" Was all I managed to say. The doctor sighed again for what seemed like the millionth time. Eventually asking the inevitable question: "Clark, have you been taking drugs of any kind?"

I blinked…again. I could feel the color draining from my face at the mention of that question. _No. _I thought to myself. I couldn't answer the question; he'd be sure to tell my parents. I knew they'd try to send me to some kind of rehab place; and there was no way I was going to go there. I kept my mouth shut, looking away.

The doctor got closer, "Don't worry, you can tell me." I shook my head. "No, I can't." He tilted his head a little, "Why not? Did something happen to you? Something bad?" I nodded my head a little. "What was it, Clark?" I came to my senses before I answered, "No. If I tell you, you'll tell my parents; and they-they'll...they just can't know."

The doctor shook his head, "No Clark, anything that is said in this room will stay here." I snorted at his words. "I'm sixteen! I'm only a minor, you could tell them anything you want and lie to me to say you didn't!"

The doctor drew away a little at my outburst, "Clark, calm down! No, I promise, anything you tell me won't leave this room." I folded my arms and shook my head. "You're lying, I can tell you are." He shook his head, "Clark, trust me on this, I won't say anything to your parents." My anger slowly started to go away, his tone was so trusting and firm. I couldn't help but think it was the truth. I sighed, _here goes nothing_…I opened my mouth and let the words slide out, "My brother died."


End file.
